Clemens, PacMan, Vin Baker and Fantasy Baseball

We’ve got some unbelievably funny sports stories going on right now. So many that I had to do a post about all of them.

 

We’ll kick it off with this. It’s an unreal video of Roger Clemens coming back to pitch in 2057 for the Yankees. You might have heard of it by now, it’s spreading the web like wildfire. Funny stuff. Check it out.

 

 

Pacman Jones somehow thinks he can do whatever he wants I guess. I don’t get it. I see this guy in the news every other day it seems. Pacman at strip club…Pacman beef outside a nightclub…Pacman this…Pacman that.

PacMan

Is he really this bad? Will someone just pull him aside and say, “Listen, why don’t you stay in for awhile.”

 

He’s got money. Buy tons of take out. You’re suspended from the league anyways. Just buy a few pounds of weed, some take out and have your entourage over every night. You can plan it out. In fact, don’t bother. I’ve planned it out for you:

 

Monday can be Madden on PS3 night.

Tuesday is pool, $1,000 a game of course.

Wednesday is strippers – they can come to your house, too, Pacman.

Thursday you can do card games. Or dice. I hear these are big in clubhouse/team flights anyways.

Friday – huge house party with strippers, DJ and big name guests like Vince Young and Young Buck (reppin’ Tennessee).

Saturday back to straight strippers.

Sunday can be a chill day: old movies (like Scarface, Goodfellas and Cradle to the Grave), DVDs like Sopranos and Entourage, and a stripper nightcap.

 

Plus, there will be blunts and beers (or Hennessey, whatever) every night. Now you’re telling me that isn’t a fire time?

 

I should be Pacman’s advisor. Someone please send this to him.

——

Old friend Edgar Renteria took some more shots at the Red Sox the other night. God, I hate this guy. Here’s what he said to an Atlanta paper:

 

“It’s good to show everybody they were wrong,” said Renteria, 31, who was traded by the Red Sox after the 2005 season, just one year into a four-year, $40 million free-agent contract he signed with them.

 

“You always do good, and then have one bad year — everybody can have one bad year,” said Renteria.”I was so glad they traded me here [to Atlanta].”

 

Yea? Really? You SUCKED. How bout that? YOU SUCKED. Ten million a year for .270, 8 homers and 30 errors? Screw you, Edgar, you baby.

 

Aww, can’t play in the pressure. Don’t like getting booed. Boo hoo hoo. Baby.  

——

Love the Vin Baker DUI leaving Foxwoods the other night. Good to know he’s still up to his old tricks. Listen, I get the whole alcoholic thing, but c’mon. This guy made millions, get yourself a driver. I’m so sick of Vin Baker. He wasted his talent and F’d up my team. So he gets no sympathy from me.

Vin Baker

Remember Payton, Kemp and Baker on the Sonics? Fire team. Glad the Celts traded for him about 4 years too late. Good looks, Chris Wallace and good luck, Grizzlies.

——

Juan Gone is back in the news, by the way. Turns out Rangers owner Tom Hicks said pretty bluntly on a Dallas radio show that Gonzalez was on steroids. Or coming off them rather, when the Rangers gave him a fat deal.

 

Will everyone finally admit the obvious? I’ve been saying it for years: Jose Canseco was like right. He said Juan Gone did steroids years ago in his book. He also said Palmerio juiced. And Brett Boone. What are those players up to since then?

 

We’ll look back one day and realize he started all of this. That greaseball, tanned roido kick-started baseball into cleaning up its own sport. Like it or not, Jose aced it.

——

Thought I was smart for drafting veteran pitchers in my fantasy league this year. Last season I went with young studs with promised and was burnt bad. I had King Felix, Zach Duke, John Patterson and a few others. Only one that panned out was Liriano…then he got hurt.

 

This year I decided things would be different. I’d draft a stable of veteran arms and ride their experience to first place.

 

And it worked out great the first two months. I didn’t lose a week, just played .500 ball for like two weeks, and was sitting comfortably in first place.

 There was just one problem. Veteran pitchers = old pitchers. Bartolo Colon, the Big Unit and Curt Schilling have all gotten hurt the same week. Just look at the first two graphs in Buster Olney’s blog.

It’s left me scrambling to find help, looking at names like Claudio Vargas and Jon Lester to fill spots in my rotation. It’s pretty gross.

 

I guess the lesson learned here is: don’t tip your scaled in one direction. Draft a good mix of vets and young risks and see what happens.

 

Of course when I do that next year, you know the vets will get hurt and the kids will suck.

 

Damn it, fantasy.

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