Groundhog’s Day and March Madness

Hey, what’s the deal with Groundhog’s Day? Are we done with this yet? Have we had enough? It’s so ridiculous that no one even bothers to talk about how ridiculous it is. Yea, this Groundhog’s telling me when winter is gonna end? When has that f*ckin’ thing not seen its shadow?

Punxsutawney Phil

Tons of people and cameras surrounding it. That thing is scurrying right back into its hole. It’s the dumbest American tradition ever, I think. Seriously how could it not see its shadow? If it’s cloudy that means winter is going to end? Does the time of day matter for Punxsutawney Phil? If he came out a noon with the sun right over him, would that affect his prognostication?

According to legend, there is only one Punxsutawney Phil, who has made weather predictions for 122 years. He’s taken care of year round by a group of yahoos known as members of the fabled “Inner Circle.” These would be the people you see on TV in top hats. These people serve Phil a mysterious Groundhog Punch every summer, a special brew that gives Phil his immortality. And every February 2, according to the Inner Circle, Phil makes his predication and then “speaks to the Club President in ‘Groundhogese,’ intelligible only to the Inner Circle; this prediction is then translated for the entire world.”

I vote to eliminate this critter holiday from all calendars.

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Remember when huge Astro Vans like these were all the rage back in the late ‘80s – early ‘90s?

 Chevrolet Express

Wow. Unreal. Always with the worst designs on them too, like someone stenciled a corny wallpaper all over ‘em. There is no excuse for owning one of these now. Actually, there is one – if you’re handicapped, supposedly they’re pretty big and can be made wheelchair accessible. But that’s it. If you have it just as a regular car then you’re a nice gimmick to me.

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Best part of March Madness is the first two days, hands down. Games start at noon and don’t end until late at night. When I was in college, I used to skip class every Thursday and park myself in front of the TV all day with my brackets printed, marking scores and games off. So fun. Good thing I’ll be “working” from home at the end of the week. Lot of productivity on those days I’m sure.

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