Walk of Shame

September 22, 2009

This is a mini-thematic masterpiece. I loved it. The Morgan Freeman sound alike is out of this word. I mean, like, did he someone narrate this?

God, do I miss college. Sighhhhh. Enjoy your Tuesday.

—Nick

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The Patriots, President and that “other” Drive-Thru Window

April 1, 2008

I’ll kick this post off with a little ditty on how clandestine the Patriots actually are. So I’m on my way to the New England Revolution’s Media Day last Tuesday for work. It’s at Gillette Stadium, which, of course is shared by the football and soccer teams in the region. I didn’t read the intro email and stupidly walked to the door I’d normally enter when going to a Revs game. Locked. OK, so now I know I have to walk all the way to the entrance at the other side of the stadium. Fine. So I’m walking along, checking stuff out. Try one door. Locked. Try another. Doesn’t look right so I leave. I realize the guy at the gate earlier had mentioned something about the Pro Shop. So maybe the entrance is through there. I’m walking across a private lot, almost there when I get stopped by a guy with a headset. Security.

“What are you doing,” he says.
“I’m lost, maybe you can help me out,” I reply.
“You can’t be around here. This is a football area only. We’ve been watching you on the security camera the whole time,” he says.
Now here’s where I wanted to say something witty and awesome like “Well, Eric Magnini sent over…” or “You guys always have your eyes on the camera…” but instead paused to figure a cool way to say it, struggled, chickened out and just asked him to point me in the right direction. Still, THAT’s how clamped down things are in the land of Belichick. Now…on to the info post:

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How obsolete is that other window in a drive-thru? Thing’s just a placeholder for a “Next Window, please” sign now. When’s the last time anyone has used that? And who thought that was a necessary idea? No, no we can’t have people paying and getting their food at the same window. We def need two. And then everyone went and copied it like it was a brilliant breakthrough. About as useful as a VCR now.

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Had some internal debates with tipping recently. Not the standard tipping like at a bar or restaurant, but in other realms where the rules aren’t as clear. For instance, I heard that some people tip the guys who pump your gas at full-serve stations. Incred to me, thought never crossed my mind. I would never tip them, but on the other hand, I tip the kids who wipe down your car after you go through the auto car wash. Also, I always tell them to keep the change when I go through the Dunkies drive-thru, but I’d never do the same at a fast food place. Isn’t it basically the same thing? There’s some weird rules there that need clarification.

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One of my favorite Will Ferrell SNL characters was his George Bush bits. Here’s a nice little summary clip.

LOL this got be searching some Bush stuff. This is probably the shortest and funniest one:


Groundhog’s Day and March Madness

March 17, 2008

Hey, what’s the deal with Groundhog’s Day? Are we done with this yet? Have we had enough? It’s so ridiculous that no one even bothers to talk about how ridiculous it is. Yea, this Groundhog’s telling me when winter is gonna end? When has that f*ckin’ thing not seen its shadow?

Punxsutawney Phil

Tons of people and cameras surrounding it. That thing is scurrying right back into its hole. It’s the dumbest American tradition ever, I think. Seriously how could it not see its shadow? If it’s cloudy that means winter is going to end? Does the time of day matter for Punxsutawney Phil? If he came out a noon with the sun right over him, would that affect his prognostication?

According to legend, there is only one Punxsutawney Phil, who has made weather predictions for 122 years. He’s taken care of year round by a group of yahoos known as members of the fabled “Inner Circle.” These would be the people you see on TV in top hats. These people serve Phil a mysterious Groundhog Punch every summer, a special brew that gives Phil his immortality. And every February 2, according to the Inner Circle, Phil makes his predication and then “speaks to the Club President in ‘Groundhogese,’ intelligible only to the Inner Circle; this prediction is then translated for the entire world.”

I vote to eliminate this critter holiday from all calendars.

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Remember when huge Astro Vans like these were all the rage back in the late ‘80s – early ‘90s?

 Chevrolet Express

Wow. Unreal. Always with the worst designs on them too, like someone stenciled a corny wallpaper all over ‘em. There is no excuse for owning one of these now. Actually, there is one – if you’re handicapped, supposedly they’re pretty big and can be made wheelchair accessible. But that’s it. If you have it just as a regular car then you’re a nice gimmick to me.

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Best part of March Madness is the first two days, hands down. Games start at noon and don’t end until late at night. When I was in college, I used to skip class every Thursday and park myself in front of the TV all day with my brackets printed, marking scores and games off. So fun. Good thing I’ll be “working” from home at the end of the week. Lot of productivity on those days I’m sure.


Matt Walsh, Chuck Norris and The Wire finale

March 10, 2008

The Wire

First off, a farewell to The Wire. That last episode was perfect for me. I was very nervous the ending was going to piss me off, but it was terrific. It’s a shame I got into the show so late and had to speed through seasons 1-6 since October. Now that Sopranos and The Wire are done forever, and the writer’s strike cancelled this year’s 24 and Entourage, I’m hurting for non-sports TV. I got South Park back in business this Wednesday, but other than that, I got nothing. Any suggestions are welcome.

Now, to the links:

If you get a few minutes, make sure you check out the today’s feature the Globe did on Matt Walsh, the former Patriots video assistant prominently involved in the ongoing Spygate drama. Walsh, as reported by multiple media outlets, is close to reaching some sort of immunity agreement with the NFL so he can tell his story, which both he and his lawyer have indicated contains damaging material against the Pats.

Excellent work by the Globe. This is why you still need newspapers. The internet and TV are great and all, mostly for their instantaneity, but newspapers are the only media where I guy can spend a few weeks making calls, traveling and doing some actual investigative journalism.

The story on what he did to his roommate’s girlfriend at Springfield College is priceless. Worth the read alone. Enjoy.

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For all you Chuck Norris fans out there, and I know there’s plenty, here’s a picture tribute detailing the facts and/or legends about “our nation’s greatest hero.”

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Finally, I know this site has been circling the internet like crazy and there’s a 85% chance you’ve already seen it, but it’s so good that this is for the other 15% who haven’t: stuff white people like.

I wouldn’t read all of them completely, just do a scan through. I LOL’d at “The Wire,” “Study Abroad,” “Apple products,” “The Daily Show/Colbert Report,” “Making you feel bad about not going outside,” and my favorite on the list: “Irony.” List should just be called Stuff People at BU like. I thought of hundreds of kids I went to college with when reading this thing.


Manny Buys Pedroia a Rolex; Handryers suck

March 8, 2008

Can’t stand hand dryers in public restrooms. Nothin’ beats a good ol’ paper towel. I think a hand dryer is the only technological advancement that actually made a process slower. Takes a minute+  to fully dry your hands with that thing when a paper towel takes 10 seconds tops. Seriously, can you name any other technology that slows something down? I can’t. Even the old brown paper towels you used in grade school dry things quicker, and those things were barely paper at all – one step down from tree. If you spilt a beaker in science class, you were screwed. Just had to keep dabbing away with that non-absorbant sheet. Eventually you’d just have to let it sit there and slowly soak up like it was a piece of oak.

Loving hearing people slowly incorporating new, professional voice recordings for their voicemail inbox. Gone are ‘Hey, what’s up…” or “Yo, you know who it is…” or a corny R&B or pop song or something. Now that people are entering the profession (read: whack) portion of life, it’s only: “Hi, you’ve reached [insert full name]. I’m available to take your call right now, but if you leave a detailed message, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.” Funny to me when you hear someone’s changed message for the first time. Always laugh.

Manny bought Dustin Pedroia a Rolex for winning Rookie of the Year. Promises to get him something else if he hits over .300 again. Love that man.

The ads in the AIM info boxes are really starting to bother me now. Pretty soon they’ll have ‘em right in the damn IM window. No shame here. Remember those ads that would just start playing videos or bumping tunes without prompt? Those were the worst.


The Problem with Facebook Apps and Brett Favre Retires

March 4, 2008

Rachel McAdams

What happened to Rachel McAdams? Besides being absolutely gorgeous, and in my personal Top 10, she had a 15-month period in 2004-05 when she was absolutely on fire, with big roles in Mean Girls, The Notebook and Wedding Crashers. She was at the top of her game. Every guy loved her and girls didn’t mind her either because of The Notebook and her cute role in Wedding Crashers. I thought she was gonna be a star. Guess Red Eye was a bad idea.

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How much do you hate moving your car for someone to get out of a driveway or something? I know I do. It takes literally 45 seconds, but when you’re throwing on those shoes and reaching for those keys, I swear it feels like I would rather do anything else. Especially in the winter, too, when you have to throw a jacket into that mix.

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Retta and I were talking about it the other day, and he actually thought about posting something here himself, but got a little nervous of the female response. Well I’ll do it for him: how whack are Facebook applications? Things are a chooch meter, the more you have the bigger tool you are. Girls sending you Patriots’ fans apps 3 days before the Super Bowl. Bumper stickers with alcohol and slut jokes. Comparing hotness of people. What type of mixed drink are you? LOL C’mon now. I ignore all those things. Are me and Retta wrong about this?

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Brett Favre retired today. Pretty sure it shut down ESPN. Specials on every channel that have right now. I can’t get away from it. Pretty sure Skip Bayless almost just broke down on First Take. Guy’s spewing Favre propaganda right now. Funny how he bounced right after the Pats resigned Moss. Sorry pal, but he’ll stick with Brady.

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Every week I update email accounts for my weekly newsletter I send out every Monday for my job with Soccer New England. I cope/paste emails my boss sent me from people who used to subscribe to the print magazine, advertise with the magazine, or anyone who had some sort of affiliation with. I have about 10-12 huge word docs with hundred of emails – all about 4-5 years old, mind you.

A lot of the time I have to delete most of them after I send a test email because the address doesn’t exist anymore, stuff like old AOL screenames when that was all the rage and accounts from servers that don’t exist anymore (like Adelphia and Media One).

So…other day I’m doing my usual copy/paste routine and a certain email address jumped out at me: kgceltics@aol.com. What theeee? This was 5 years ago. Who knew about this? Who is this messiah? Well I racked my brain for a bit (probably too long considering I should have been working) and couldn’t figure out what else this could stand for. KG initials? I got nothing. I thought about the soccer team Celtic, but why the “s” then? If anyone has any ideas, please comment below. Or if you have AOL, give me a quick info search.


Ortiz Rides A Sidecar and The Whitest Kids U Know

February 29, 2008

First thing’s first. If you haven’t yet seen the best picture I’ve seen this week, check out David Ortiz riding in a sidecar during Wednesday’s trip to DC. This pic is from the Boston Herald. Get ready to LOL:

David Ortiz sidecar

 Is he the man or what?

 Second thing I got for you is gold. My buddy introduced me to the Whitest Kids U Know, a sketch group that had a show on Fuse and apparently is a pretty big hit on the internet, so you may have already heard of them. Anyway, I checked out a few vids, and this one made me laugh the most:

Here’s one more explaining the “true” assination of Abe Lincoln. Who would have thought:

In sports news, Pats resigned Tedy Bruschi and Kelly Washington, and there’s nothing new on the Randy Moss front. As for Asante, he’s scheduled to meet with Philly today. This must be a dire time for Eagles’ fans because they announce his visit (along with a pic) on the front page of the team’s website. Relax.

In hoops, looks like Cassell is ready to come here. Too bad we already got PJ Brown, so we can’t bring in Spree too. Damn it.