The Patriots, President and that “other” Drive-Thru Window

April 1, 2008

I’ll kick this post off with a little ditty on how clandestine the Patriots actually are. So I’m on my way to the New England Revolution’s Media Day last Tuesday for work. It’s at Gillette Stadium, which, of course is shared by the football and soccer teams in the region. I didn’t read the intro email and stupidly walked to the door I’d normally enter when going to a Revs game. Locked. OK, so now I know I have to walk all the way to the entrance at the other side of the stadium. Fine. So I’m walking along, checking stuff out. Try one door. Locked. Try another. Doesn’t look right so I leave. I realize the guy at the gate earlier had mentioned something about the Pro Shop. So maybe the entrance is through there. I’m walking across a private lot, almost there when I get stopped by a guy with a headset. Security.

“What are you doing,” he says.
“I’m lost, maybe you can help me out,” I reply.
“You can’t be around here. This is a football area only. We’ve been watching you on the security camera the whole time,” he says.
Now here’s where I wanted to say something witty and awesome like “Well, Eric Magnini sent over…” or “You guys always have your eyes on the camera…” but instead paused to figure a cool way to say it, struggled, chickened out and just asked him to point me in the right direction. Still, THAT’s how clamped down things are in the land of Belichick. Now…on to the info post:

—-

How obsolete is that other window in a drive-thru? Thing’s just a placeholder for a “Next Window, please” sign now. When’s the last time anyone has used that? And who thought that was a necessary idea? No, no we can’t have people paying and getting their food at the same window. We def need two. And then everyone went and copied it like it was a brilliant breakthrough. About as useful as a VCR now.

——–

Had some internal debates with tipping recently. Not the standard tipping like at a bar or restaurant, but in other realms where the rules aren’t as clear. For instance, I heard that some people tip the guys who pump your gas at full-serve stations. Incred to me, thought never crossed my mind. I would never tip them, but on the other hand, I tip the kids who wipe down your car after you go through the auto car wash. Also, I always tell them to keep the change when I go through the Dunkies drive-thru, but I’d never do the same at a fast food place. Isn’t it basically the same thing? There’s some weird rules there that need clarification.

—————–

One of my favorite Will Ferrell SNL characters was his George Bush bits. Here’s a nice little summary clip.

LOL this got be searching some Bush stuff. This is probably the shortest and funniest one:

Advertisements

Richard Zednick, The Celtics, Kayne and Dec. 12. 2012

February 12, 2008
Simes made a good point the other day (really!) about how I should just post my info’s in ym blog because A) it’s accessible to everyone, not just those with AIM and B) I’m not restricted by word count.
Dece idea, I just don’t think people like clicking on links. So for awhile, I’m going to try to write mini infos in my AIM profile and larger ones here. See how it goes over….
Here’s 2/12 info: 
More unbelievable that Richard Zednick is alive, is that one of the doctors than worked on him also worked on Kevin Everett. Weird.
Other day driving home from Boston I drove through a rain storm, a snow storm, another rain storm, then sunny skies in Rockland. It was so crazy. I spent the whole ride adjusting my windshield wipers. Didn’t get it. Weather is so F’d now, worse than ever. Global Warming is like secret real. December 12, 2012: Don’t say you weren’t warned.
From my blog: “Kayne’s CD already has two pretty big hits, especially considering that everyone you know sweats the ultra-addictive, 80s flavored “Stronger.” Couple that with Mr. West’s high probability for a Grammy, considering he’s only getting better and is now well-respected in the music industry and pop world alike, and his selling appeal seems to be at its peak.” 
–Damn lost to..Herbie Hancock?!?! What the. Still rap album of the year tho.
Celts are redic to me. Responded to all the knocks on them already. Three-headed monster with no bench? Posey, House, Big Baby and Leon Powe have been unbelievable; Big Baby was an absolute steal in the second round. Can’t win against the West? 16-0 vs. Western Conference teams. Included in that are wins over Dallas and San Antonio, both withouth KG. That proved to me right there that this team is an actual contender. Very excited to see what these guys can do. Spurs are still the fav., followed by Det. But No. 3 has got 2 go to the Green.

South Park, MySpace Creeps and other parting shots heading into the weekend

July 26, 2007

South Park

I can’t believe I used to not like South Park. I can’t believe I actually argued Family Guy was better. And this was just a year ago. What was I thinking?

I guess I just saw some of the early seasons (seasons 1 and 2 actually aren’t that good) and must have only seen bad episodes from the later ones. What probably happened, is that I saw a bunch of the gross poop, puke, weird ones that I don’t really like anyway.

But still, I’m almost embarrassed I defended Family Guy. South Park is infinitely better. It’s wittier, funnier, more clever and absolutely makes fun of everything. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are legit geniuses. The stuff they come up with…incredible.

They use to perfection: satire, lampooning, parody and shock-value (yea I took a comedy class freshman year). Their message is never real, but always one of humor – they make fun of every side of an issue you can think of, making sure no one gets left out. And when they get too preachy, or when they think they do, they make fun of themselves.

My roommates and I DVR’d all episodes this year, so I’ve almost seen every episode now, although new ones crop up in My Recordings every now and then.

Seriously, you have to trust me on this. If you’re shaking your head saying “no way, that show is whack,” you really need to give it a shot. I’m telling you, no show keeps up with pop culture and current events like this one. And no show makes fun of them in a way that’s always pretty much exactly how you want it.

God bless Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny for making my year way funnier.

Read an article that said MySpace identified 29,000 sex offenders with profiles on its site. Haha, WHAT??? Yea, that site is safe. Wall post away, kids!

A very underrated thing we do as humans is heal. Cut myself the other day and was thinking about it. You lose skin, your body takes care of it. Lil scab, shed the dead skin, grow some new skin and, bingo, you’re all good. So ill that we have that rejuvenation power. Good looks, God.

“So easy a caveman could do it” is taking over rap lyrics. That line is in so many songs now. It was clever the first 1 or 2 times I heard it. Now I’m over it.

Wow the drawstring in gym shorts is annoying. You kidding me? Why’s this thing designed to fall out? Anyone wanna explain that? I know you’re with me, you hate that moment when you look down and notice one string is way longer than the other and the other has slipped through the hole. You might even feel around a little bit thinking you can fix it. No way pal. You need a Mom for that. They’re nice at it.

Actually, girls in general are pretty good at it. I don’t know one guy who can do it. Except Matty D says his dad can. Don’t know if I believe him though.

Was watching TV the other day with my boy Trey and that Pepsi Max commercial came on with all the people yawning in it. It legit made Trey yawn, I loved it. So I hit rewind and watched it again more closely to see if it would do it to me. Didn’t work, but I could kinda feel my mouth moving a little. Don’t know if me being conscience of what I was trying to do affected it or not. Anyone yawn to this commercial?

Couple last sidenotes in what might be my last post until Monday:

This is a huge weekend for concerts. You got the Police at Fenway, 311 at Tweeter, Country Fest and Rage Against the Machine w/ Wu-Tang. So redic for music lovers.

Gotta mention sports once. How bout this: The Red Sox and Indians’ exchange of 1-0 victories on consecutive nights was the first time two AL teams did that since 1975. Doesn’t that seem pretty absurd?

By the way, don’t you dare pitch to ANY Yankee. It’s probably going to end up an RBI double or something.


Who’s Now?

July 17, 2007

The following post on ESPN’s ‘Who’s Now’ was written by Wolfie, the rest posted by nickwill. Enjoy:

espn.jpg

‘Who’s Now’ is one of the worst SportsCenter segments I can remember.

 

The bracket setup is stupid. Why would there be upsets? The Now label is cheesy. I think it’s called who’s popular.

 

The panel leaves much to be desired also. I like Keyshawn in the studio for NFL, but he’s not versatile enough for this job. Michael Wilbon is OK, but he’s old and I get enough of him on PTI every day. Herbstreit is logical and safe but he doesn’t have any special reason to be telling me who or what is hot right now.

 

This segment could have been entertaining, and here’s how: 

First you cut down the giant ass bracket to 16 people max. No one watching a highlight show wants to see a debate that lasts over two weeks. Secondly, trying to create your own adjective is a reach. I’ll go with who’s hot or buzz index as the title. Lastly, the panel is going to make or break it. I need Stephen A. Smith on this segment in a bad way. SAS is your loud and energized opinionated sparkplug. Then give me Bill Simmons in the 2-hole for your pop culture and humor input. Then I’ll take Torry Holt for some swag and logic. (Holt is going to be smoke as an ESPN personality once he retires, by the way.)

 

 

 

Something about cell phone chargers makes them easy to forget. It’s always one of those things you need to be reminded of when you travel, whether it’s by another person or by writing it on some sort of list. I forgot mine twice in five days. Once at home when coming back to Boston and the other in Philly before coming back to Boston. It should also be noted that the one I left in Philly was a brand new one – a replacement for the one I left home.

 

That leaves me with a grand total of zero chargers for my phone. Do I get another for $30? Does this happen to anyone else, or am I just an idiot?

 

 

 

Me and my former roommate Anthony (See “Curse of the Marshall Faulk Jersey” below) were talking about this before: Don’t you just hate it when someone tells you “I know you better than you know yourself.”

 

Yea? You do? Or do I know EXACTLY what I’m thinking at EVERY single moment of the day and you can just guess how I’m feeling and maybe be right sometimes???

 

You tell me who knows me better. It’s a typical stupid Mom line that means absolutely zero. Sometimes girlfriends try and steal it as well. But seriously, c’mon, you think this tricks me?

 

I’ve been with me since the beginning. Everywhere I’ve went, too. You can’t say that. So stop trying to be a hero know-it-all.


Fake Girl Sox Fans

July 12, 2007

Pinky Sox

Its summer and you know what that means? Tons of girl’s facebook pics at Fenway Park. I’ve seen countless ones already. You know, the kind where it’s a far-off shot from a shitty bleacher seat of like the green monster, Big Papi or one of the “cute” players like Tek, Papelbon or Pedroia. Then you get the caption, something like: “Fenway is my FAVORITE place. I LOVE the Red Sox!!”

 

Do ya?? Or did ya have no idea about them until 2003? You tell me. You know Darren Lewis? Big fan of Saberhagen in the day? Sweat Jeff Frye and John Valentin? I’m guessing no. My estimate is that you have a pink (maybe green) hat, started following the team when it was good, your favorite player used to be Johnny Damon (I just loved him!) and now it might be Coco Crisp or Dustin Pedroia (he’s so little!).

 

A girl was at my house the other day when the Yankees-Angels FOX game was on. She couldn’t believe we were watching the Yankees (gasp!). “Turn that off. They suck.” Listen…I’m a baseball fan. I’m going to watch two nice teams go at it on a nationally broadcasted game. Plus, they’re our division rivals and you need to track this stuff. Double plus, I could watch the D-Rays and Orioles play and still have a dece time.

 

I like butch sports girls as little as the next guy, but c’mon, spare me from the pointless “I’m a huge fan!” rhetoric. It ain’t true one bit.

 

Am I right or nah? I’m dying for a heated girl response…

 

 

—-

 Don’t ever use the word horny. In my opinion, it’s reached creep-word status, joining hump, poontang and fetish in the Creeptionary.

 

 

Had my first experience with GPS the other day. Have to say I was impressed. Thing knew everything: the weird Boston streets, alternate routes, street names I didn’t know, even bodies of water. Gonna be amazing once that technology is standard in every car (along with MP3 players). People will never get lost. Imagine that?

 

 

I’m with Wolfie on his proclamation of needing to get good at golf. It’s so important for males when you get older. When I was working in the PR department for this business advisory firm, my boss who was only a few years older than me and from BU told me straight up: golf is verrry important in the professional world.

 

Bosses and businessmen love it for some reason. Its like their escape, the only tight thing they have left, the only thing keeping them sane in the face of whack jobs, wives, kids, taxes and overall pressure.

 

That said, you don’t want to embarrass yourself with a piss-poor game – especially with colleagues you might be working with for awhile. My biggest fear is being “that guy,” the one who sucks at golf and everything thinks less of them for it.

 

I need to learn how to play. Anyone wanna teach me??


The curse of the Marshall Faulk jersey, plus Lil Wayne..

June 20, 2007

My roommate wore my old-school, St. Louis Rams Marshall Faulk jersey out the other night. Now, I got this thing in 2001, at the beginning of the season, so I only wore it about 3-4 times before we played the Rams in the Super Bowl (who knew we’d be good, we were 5-11 the year before) and it was awkward to wear after that.

 

But we were going to the Sox game and I was digging through this storage tub of jerseys I have in my closet. We stumbled across this secret fire, it’s a really tight jersey and it’s huge so it fit. He wore it out to a bar, the Sox-Giants game and then to The Kels.

Faulk

And pretty much, what happened was this: he was stereotyped and treated like a thug all night. It was crazy. We said he lived a day in the life of a black man. Here’s a rundown of what happened:

 

-Went to the bar we work at before the game and he was denied by a co-worker when he went to scoop a round of free beers from behind the bar. Meanwhile, I was getting all the beers I wanted. Not too bad, yet, but it gets worse…

-Heading into the game, three of us walked right in no problem and he got frisked by security…

-He was stopped by an alcohol compliance officer in Fenway, one of those guys in the yellow shirts whose job it is to tattle on people. Yea, he looks older than me, but I didn’t have the jers on…

-At the Kels after the game, they don’t let him in and tell him he needs to take off the jersey before he can enter. Now this is the Kels, you can wear shorts/hats/whatever there. It’s an Allston bar, no one cares…

-He takes of the jersey, goes to go in and gets stopped. They say he’s too drunk, suggest he go and get a cup of coffee (?) and come back in 10 minutes. Obviously they were just trying to get him to not come back (why wouldn’t they have just kicked him out, outright? As if 10 minutes matters).

-When he gets to the door the second time, they tell him he can’t come in unless “you tuck in your chain.” I loved this one tons. It’s a little gold necklace that you’d see on anyone and not even notice. This isn’t Fabolous here. This isn’t Flava Flav’s clock. It’s a little average chain.

 

Basically, after all this, the morale of the story is: don’t EVER go out in a Marshall Faulk jersey and not expect trouble. Cause you’re getting it.

 

—- 

 

You can’t stop Lil Wayne these days. He’s too huge. No one out there putting out as much stuff as him right now, hands down. I don’t know how he doesn’t run out of stuff to say. New song every day at his pace. Plus, you got a remix? You’re calling Lil Wayne. Because you want it to be a hit don’t you?

 

His next CD is going to be so huge. T.I. and Lil’ Wayne are officially the new era of rap. Both are everywhere, everyone likes them (including girls) and they have tons of songs/videos/appearances. They’re the new standard. We’re over Nas, Jay-Z’s last CD sucked and he’s too old, 50 is whack, G-Unit isn’t as big, and who knows when the next Dre or Em album will come out.

 

For now, the standard and future of rap can be measured in Weezy and T.I.

 ——– 

You know what’s weird? Why is the handwriting of girls and guys inherently different? Ever think about that? Girls write different then guys – always have. And if a guy has girly handwriting, you know, huge letters but perfect and all even, then he’s kinda gay. And if a girl has bad handwriting, forget about it, you need to find someone else. You want to read chicken scratch notes? (How ill were notes, btw. In like 7th grade, it was so fire to get a note from a girl).

 

But why are the styles so different? It’s not like they were taught any differently. It’s just a thing in your mind I guess. Weird.

 

——–

 

Dry cleaning is one of the best things out. Don’t get how it’s done or what they do, but it’s so nescessary. I’ll never iron again.

 

——

 

I don’t know if this will work for you, but here’s a link to a video of when the bat was in my house. Very entertaining.


One of the fastest growing blogs: Crazy minor league manager, SummerJam and passwords

June 5, 2007

First off, thanks to anyone who takes the time to check out this blog – the 66th fastest growing blog on WordPress, whatever that means.

 

Today we’re going to run through a bunch of random topics and links, similar to the format I used to make my AIM profiles back when I was tight.

 

Here we go:

 

How ridiculous are password specifications getting? You know, where a website makes you type a certain amount of characters with numbers and CAPs and all that. It’s to the point where it makes passwords not an easy little thing that only you know, but a stupid idiot thing that you have to write down to even know.

 

That said, I was filling out something for a GAP card account and the password requirements were as follows:                                        -must be 8-15 characters

                                                            -must contain 2 numbers

                                                            -numbers can’t be at the beginning or the end

OK…so that leaves me with zero passwords to come up with? Oh, let me just resort to my go-to pword that has two numbers right in the middle of a word    . Sure. This is a fuckin GAP CARD. No one is trying to hack into this and pay my 80 dollar balance for 2 polos, so why is this more secure than my bank account? Don’t get it.

 

——————–

 

I sort of hate the phrase “lucked out.” You were confused when you first started using this, weren’t you? Think about it. Back in the day, you heard someone say it for the first time and were like, wait does that mean their luck ran out or did something good happen. What’s going on here? Is this good or bad? It’s just a strange way to put it, I guess.

——————–

How about that crazy manager of the Atlanta Braves’ Double-A affiliate? In case you’ve been locked in a basement for the past three days, or just want to laugh at this nut again, here’s the clip.

 

I’m normally a fan of this crap, cause it’s entertaining and I always appreciate an out-of-their-tree weirdo, but I have to say if I were a higher up in the Braves organization, I’d fire this guy real quick.

 

Think about it, do you really want this whacko nurturing your prized prospects? He’s obviously off his rocker. You think an outburst of this magnitude comes randomly? No way. He’s crazy and he most likely does other crazy stuff outside of this. I wouldn’t want him dealing with my kids. Not in an age where you’re very careful with prospects to begin with – I wouldn’t want someone screwing them up.

 

————

 

Went to Summer Jam at the Tweeter Center the other day. Pretty solid time. It’s weird that every rap concert I go to is flooded with white teenage girls. But I guess if you only go to Jam’N 94.5 or Eminem concerts, it makes sense.

What I love at these things is that you can’t drink beer in the parking lot. You have to hide it in a cooler in the car and pour it into a red Solo cup. Really? I’m almost 22. I had to go through this sneaking around shit for years, I’m done with that now, why can’t I just drink?

 

If the cops (what a job this is by the way – serve and protect, how about bike around and try to wreck your time) see your booze, they take it away. I saw some people with a full ass keg in their trunk get it taken away on a golf cart. Now that sucks. 80 bucks down the tube. Where do you think that goes anyway? Def getting slugged at like Chief Sullivan’s cousin’s BBQ.

 

50 Cent showed up out of nowhere, which woulda been kinda cool if he didn’t suck. Take away his studio-enhanced voice and 50 is terrbs. No one was really feelin’ him either, you could tell. At one point he said “C’mon now, I wasn’t even supposed to be here” when he didn’t get a huge ovation when he though he should.

 

Surprisingly, that’s one of the only things I remember from that concert.

 

——–

 

Aloe is like a magic plant, by the way. It was like 90 at that concert so obviously I left with a sunburn (the gay raccoon one too from leaving my sunglasses on like a drunken idiot) so I had to get aloe the next day. Stuff is unreal. So cooling and soothing somehow. I don’t get it and I don’t want to. It just feels ill and I’d like to leave it at that. I was looking at the bottle and it said something about how it could be used for shaving or as a hair gel too. Aloe can do anything apparently.

 

———-

 

I’m fed up with CD’s. A) Few people buy them anymore because they think they can get away with selling it for like 13 bucks when I can get the full CD on iTunes for about 6. B) All they do is skip. For no reason. Fresh new blank CD for that next road trip? Things skipping, no doubt.

 

Can’t wait until 10 years or so when CDs are gone for good and every car has an MP3 player or iPod dock.

That’s all for today. Please comment with any links/funny stuff you got for me. Peace.