Walk of Shame

This is a mini-thematic masterpiece. I loved it. The Morgan Freeman sound alike is out of this word. I mean, like, did he someone narrate this?

God, do I miss college. Sighhhhh. Enjoy your Tuesday.

—Nick

A Tribute to…Matthew Berry

I was on the treadmill today (shocking, I know) with ESPN on the TV silent in the background as usual, when a new commercial came on. I have no idea what the commercial was for, just that it had something to do with ESPN and GEICO (the caveman was in it) and it starred Matthew Berry with his half-bald head and normal shit-eating grin.

It got me thinking: is this chooch secret ill?

The answer? A resounding ‘Yes.’

Matthew Berry is the man. For girls and dudes that don’t like sports/fantasy/life, Matty B is the No. 1 fantasy guru at ESPN. He was a nice little gimmick at first. The “fantasy guy” who would have a short segment or two every fall talking about some made-up geek game for non-athletes while announcers and SportsCenter anchors poked fun at him.

But now with the ascension of fantasy sports, especially football, Berry has become the man. Old-fart executives and blue-haired decision makers took awhile to come around on fantasy. But once they suddenly (finally) realized it catered to the golden audience, the much coveted 18-30 year old male demographic, you know, the ones actually spending money, they realized the marketing potential was limitless.

Need to sell beer or snacks? Want to pitch crispy violent TV shows and action movies? This is your audience.

And because ESPN, like most ginormous enterprises, is driven by the bottom line, they started pumping more staff, Internet space, air time and dollars into fantasy.

This brings me back to Berry. As a pioneer of fantasy he no doubt was laughed at and ridiculed most of his “career” before fantasy really took off. Now because he gutted it out, he ended up in the right place at the right time and is now at the forefront of the fantasy movement. Although Yahoo! has a chokehold on the fantasy community, iit’s limited to online. Yahoo’s online videos can’t match the scope of plain old ESPN television. The exposure is off the charts.

All this makes Matthew Berry the face of fantasy, a face you no doubt love to hate for all its choochness (look at him hammered gaming on some broad to the right) but still appreciate with that underlying sense of jealousy. I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to by Matthew Berry. HIS JOB IS FANTASY. HE GETS PAID FOR FANTASY!!! Redicccc.

(Couple other things about that pic to the right: love the couple fake posing, allowing the camera person to secret snap Berry’s mug. has that trick ever not worked?? Also like the Sev/Tevlin mix in the background.)

In doing some research for this post, I found this absolute gem. Get OUTTA HERE with this thing. I strongly suggest watching it all. Just wait for the 38 sec mark. Wooo:

Matthew Berry, today is your lucky day. Big props from all of us at USSS.

–Nick

Is This The Best Song Out?

Wait a tick, I know Cudi and Jigga just came out, but is this song the best song out?

Big ups to Kate for introducing it to me this week.

Now introducing, the best girl song since Maneater, Lady Gaga’s Parazzi:

I guess we all have to dig deep and ask ourselves now, can Lady Gaga be stopped? Doubtful. She’s taking over pop music.

There’s an epic full video too. I was gonna make a joke, something about why Eric from True Blood is in it, but looked closely and pretty sure that’s like the real him:

“papa..paparazzziii”

–Nick

The Patriots, President and that “other” Drive-Thru Window

I’ll kick this post off with a little ditty on how clandestine the Patriots actually are. So I’m on my way to the New England Revolution’s Media Day last Tuesday for work. It’s at Gillette Stadium, which, of course is shared by the football and soccer teams in the region. I didn’t read the intro email and stupidly walked to the door I’d normally enter when going to a Revs game. Locked. OK, so now I know I have to walk all the way to the entrance at the other side of the stadium. Fine. So I’m walking along, checking stuff out. Try one door. Locked. Try another. Doesn’t look right so I leave. I realize the guy at the gate earlier had mentioned something about the Pro Shop. So maybe the entrance is through there. I’m walking across a private lot, almost there when I get stopped by a guy with a headset. Security.

“What are you doing,” he says.
“I’m lost, maybe you can help me out,” I reply.
“You can’t be around here. This is a football area only. We’ve been watching you on the security camera the whole time,” he says.
Now here’s where I wanted to say something witty and awesome like “Well, Eric Magnini sent over…” or “You guys always have your eyes on the camera…” but instead paused to figure a cool way to say it, struggled, chickened out and just asked him to point me in the right direction. Still, THAT’s how clamped down things are in the land of Belichick. Now…on to the info post:

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How obsolete is that other window in a drive-thru? Thing’s just a placeholder for a “Next Window, please” sign now. When’s the last time anyone has used that? And who thought that was a necessary idea? No, no we can’t have people paying and getting their food at the same window. We def need two. And then everyone went and copied it like it was a brilliant breakthrough. About as useful as a VCR now.

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Had some internal debates with tipping recently. Not the standard tipping like at a bar or restaurant, but in other realms where the rules aren’t as clear. For instance, I heard that some people tip the guys who pump your gas at full-serve stations. Incred to me, thought never crossed my mind. I would never tip them, but on the other hand, I tip the kids who wipe down your car after you go through the auto car wash. Also, I always tell them to keep the change when I go through the Dunkies drive-thru, but I’d never do the same at a fast food place. Isn’t it basically the same thing? There’s some weird rules there that need clarification.

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One of my favorite Will Ferrell SNL characters was his George Bush bits. Here’s a nice little summary clip.

LOL this got be searching some Bush stuff. This is probably the shortest and funniest one:

Cascada, GPS, and Why Aliens Exist

Hey, Cascada, how are you famous? What makes you more qualified to jack someone’s song and just remake it over a techno beat than anyone else? Pretty sure this is all you do for songs. How is this possible/legal. People have no problems giving you the rights to songs? Or are they just so sure that the dumbass American public (mostly girls) will sweat this techno-remixed song that they charge tons and it will be worth it to you? Whack.

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In 10 -15 years will the next generation be clueless with directions? That’s the way I see things going with GPS now. Induces such mindlessness. I don’t own one, but everytime I borrow someone’s I find myself zoning out, jamming to tunes, paying attention to zero of my surroundings. Could drive somewhere 5-6 times and never in a million years be able to get back with a GPS. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I love ‘em. But once they’re all standard in every new car, I feel people will be F’d when theirs breaks.

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I told you I’ve become real into the history channel lately. Now that sucker is all I watch in bed late at night. Because my whole day is usually sports orientated, whether it’s work or the TV in the background if I’m working at home, I’m pretty much all caught up. That makes SportsCenter practically useless to me. So every night when I try to go to bed at a decent hour, it never happens cause I stay up to 2 am watching UFO Hunters, a WWII doc, Underground lairs, or Monster Quest.

That said, I’ve always been into UFOs, but now I’m into them more than ever. I watch one show, become so entrenched with disbelief that this stuff isn’t reported, figure ‘that can’t be real,’ end up doing my own online searching and then find out these things really did happen. WHAT THE FFFF…how can this happen? There’s UFOs out there, bra. No doubt. Too many accounts from professional pilots and former military personnel.

Remember a week or two ago when the US shot down a satellite in space with a guided missile form a navy warship? I doubt that satellite was really on a track to hit earth. That wasn’t a necessity…it was a warning: “Hey, we’re firing if you come.” Awesome.

Williams, Wolfie, Where were ya?

Yea yea, I know. Im just the co-pilot, or RIO, around here, but goose was still responsible for his actions. I’ve been doin a little schoolwork and spendin a lot of time on the fantasy baseball site so I haven’t posted here in a minute. I’ll get on those youtube’s of the day ASAP and my mind gets caught in a storm of baseball info this time a year so I’ll start posting some Sox thoughts if its OK with Mr. Williams.

Actually, per request, here is a clip of our dude Milan Lucic. The Bruins are Boston’s 4th or 5th favorite team, but I’ve been paying attention a little bit lately. Lucic is a mean dude. Hes young (19) and actually a solid player, not just muscle. Check the clip out even if you’re not really a hockey fan, still good.

I’ll be back with more later.

-W0LfiE

Links of the Week

After a little work-induced hiatus, the blog is back and crispy as ever. Got a slew of unreal vids and links that will have you laughing and loving life. Let’s roll.

First on the agenda is Joey Gathright jumping over a pitcher in spring training. Joey G is silky. Always was a fan of his when he was burning in Tampa. Wish he was a little better of a player though:

This next one is an awesome little hidden gem where a female news anchor uses the word muff on TV not knowing what it means:

glumbert – TV Anchor 101: Expand Your Vocabulary

Call this next clip juvenile if you like, but I guarantee you laugh:

glumbert – Anchor lets one loose on-air

By the way…don’t ever fight a Roy. Patrick used to beat down Chris Osgood and any other Red Wing goalie who was up to it and now his son is getting in on the action. Best thing in hockey has to be a goalie fight. Love that the other goalie wants no part of the fight then gets hammered anyway:

Don’t get in Shaq’s way:

We’ll end with a nice link you may have already seen in the Sports Guy’s link blog last week. It’s an unreal article on Nomar and how he’s continued to be miserable even in LA. Talk about a travesty. This guy was a legend his first few years in Boston. A surefire Hall of Famer we were annointing as great as Ted Williams. I think it’s a little underrated — has ANYONE’s career fallen off as much as Nomars? In any sport? I dunno.

Groundhog’s Day and March Madness

Hey, what’s the deal with Groundhog’s Day? Are we done with this yet? Have we had enough? It’s so ridiculous that no one even bothers to talk about how ridiculous it is. Yea, this Groundhog’s telling me when winter is gonna end? When has that f*ckin’ thing not seen its shadow?

Tons of people and cameras surrounding it. That thing is scurrying right back into its hole. It’s the dumbest American tradition ever, I think. Seriously how could it not see its shadow? If it’s cloudy that means winter is going to end? Does the time of day matter for Punxsutawney Phil? If he came out a noon with the sun right over him, would that affect his prognostication?

According to legend, there is only one Punxsutawney Phil, who has made weather predictions for 122 years. He’s taken care of year round by a group of yahoos known as members of the fabled “Inner Circle.” These would be the people you see on TV in top hats. These people serve Phil a mysterious Groundhog Punch every summer, a special brew that gives Phil his immortality. And every February 2, according to the Inner Circle, Phil makes his predication and then “speaks to the Club President in ‘Groundhogese,’ intelligible only to the Inner Circle; this prediction is then translated for the entire world.”

I vote to eliminate this critter holiday from all calendars.

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Remember when huge Astro Vans like these were all the rage back in the late ‘80s – early ‘90s?

 

Wow. Unreal. Always with the worst designs on them too, like someone stenciled a corny wallpaper all over ‘em. There is no excuse for owning one of these now. Actually, there is one – if you’re handicapped, supposedly they’re pretty big and can be made wheelchair accessible. But that’s it. If you have it just as a regular car then you’re a nice gimmick to me.

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Best part of March Madness is the first two days, hands down. Games start at noon and don’t end until late at night. When I was in college, I used to skip class every Thursday and park myself in front of the TV all day with my brackets printed, marking scores and games off. So fun. Good thing I’ll be “working” from home at the end of the week. Lot of productivity on those days I’m sure.

Manny Ramirez is off his rocker

Manny Ramirez is off his rocker. My favorite baseball player (since 2001, really, for all you haters-turned-fans out there) is at it again. This year we find out he’s into reading now, does yoga, meditates and wants to stay with the Sox for four more years. Can anyone predict this lovable slugger?

“You’ve got to be a boat knowing where you’re going,” said Manny to Howard Ulman in a Thursday AP article. “We’ve got money. We’re famous. But you’ve got to know what you want.”

Sure.

“Hey, you’re the architect of your life,” he said. “Let me tell you something. We’ve got so much bad stuff inside, it’s up to us to make the best of it.”

On repeating as champs:

“If we want to repeat, we’re going to go and do it. Everything is possible in life. Hey, whatever you want to be in life, you could be.”

On if his struggles last year — when he hit .296 with 20 HRs and 88 RBI – are an indication that he’s slowing down:

“You crazy?” Ramirez said pleasantly. “I’m one of the best players in the league. That’s last year.”

On the Sox picking up his option years:

“I’m going to have it. No doubt. Hey, I’m Manny Ramirez.”

And from Tony Massarotti in today’s Herald:

“I’m gonna get four more years here, man. I’m going to get the two options and I’m going to get two more years.”

Have the Sox already talked to him about it?

“They don’t need to,” Ramirez answered in his typically carefree nature. “I know I’m going to get it.”

Haha..you gotta love Manny. You just have to. So goofy and ill. He’s talking to the media a lot this year. Seems more confident than ever and looks like he’s pretty much campaigning to stay with the Sox. I hope he has a huge year and the Sox pick up at least one of his options. Can you imagine a world with no Manny? I don’t want to try.

I’m ready for this baseball season. Is Manny?

“I’m ready to go. My timing is good,” Ramirez said. “I’m ready. I can’t wait to go to Japan. I’m ready. “[I’ve been ready] since the end of last season. Let’s go to Japan today.”

The Lovely Erica Ellyson

Coulple quick things before I head off to tonight’s Bruins game, just my second of the year (and that seems like too many).

 First, good to see Clay Bucholtz making it in the bigs. So what if he hasn’t pitched a full seaosn yet, he’s banging Penthouse Pet Eric Ellyson.

 Nice, Clay. In another Sox related piece, Bartolo Colon hit 93 on the gun today. Uh-oh.

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Imagine being a big enough celeb where for your birthday you get to suit up and bat leadoff for the Yankees? That’s just was Billy Crystal did today.

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I’ll end on a health related note today. It’s a sad day for Boston. They just banned all trans fats in the city, set to begin this September. So much for delicious donuts and french fries. Heart attack risk?? Like worth it??